


Words Unspoken

by Elfflame, Kabal42



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Letters, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-08
Updated: 2009-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-19 07:31:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/198435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfflame/pseuds/Elfflame, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kabal42/pseuds/Kabal42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter receives a letter</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> A little something we whipped up together for Draco’s birthday, if posted a little late. Thank you to Wolfish_cat for the lookover.

Harry,

It feels strange to me to write your first name. We have never been on a first-name basis, and yet here I am, finding that I need to write this to you. To me, you were always something unattainable, someone who would never spend his time or energy on me.

I’ve given a lot of thought to writing this letter. After the last few years, I feel as though there is no one who might understand what I have been through more than you.

My only problem is that I doubt you would give me the time of day. You see, I was on the wrong side. I know that now. But even now, I see no other choice I could have made at the time. It was originally done for rather questionable reasons. But then it became something other than I had expected. And I found myself caught in a game I had never wanted to be part of. I regret it.

I also regret that because of my assumptions, that we never managed to become friends. In fact, I regret that almost as much as my role in the war that has just passed.

What is the point of all this? I suppose it is just my way of telling you that however others who were on my side of my war might treat you, there is at least one of us that is grateful that you succeeded in your task.

I won’t sign my name. You don’t need it. It would only cloud the issue.

But thank you. For everything.

  
Harry opened the letter and stared at it, his brow furling as he read through it. It was half-way creepy with the whole "unattainable" and yet there was something to it that make him think it was sincere. And deep down it was very, very nice to read those concluding lines, that someone on the other side was grateful. Regretted what had happened, too, but mostly was grateful for the outcome. It warmed his increasingly cynical heart more than any parade or feast ever could.

He read the letter three times, then carefully folded it up and put it in his desk drawer. He didn't know what to do with it or if he should respond. After due consideration, much to the annoyance of the post owl who'd brought the letter and remained on hold in case there was a reply, he picked up a quill and jotted down a very brief response.

Thank you

* * *

Harry,

I had promised myself I would only do this once. But the truth is, there is no one else I can talk to about these things. My friends...the ones that survived, anyway...they would rather talk about their futures, not deal with what has happened these last three years.

I wouldn't have considered it, but...your response to my first letter leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, you might be willing to talk about everything that's happened?

If you don't, I understand. You were affected by this more than any of the rest of us, and that includes your friends. And too, I know there were times that they were not enough, or that you felt you couldn't talk to them about this sort of thing.

It is an offer as much as a request. For us both to be able to exorcise our demons from the past few years, so that maybe we can move on?

Either way, I will understand.

  
The letter was a shock when Harry read it. He had no idea what to do with something that was unsolicited like this, yet hit a deep note within him. It wasn't that he didn't have people to talk about, he did, but still, deep down he felt that something was missing, that he still lacked someone who understood what it all meant to him. Personally. The writer was right.  
He stared at the letter for hours, pacing at the table. Finally he sent the owl away without a reply, but he requested it return in three days.

As those days passed, Harry found himself trying actively not to think about the letter or the writer, whomever it might be. (He wasn't sure he wanted to know either.) But on the last night he forced himself to sit down and compose a reply, and again he couldn't manage more than a few words.

You can talk to me.

\- Harry

* * *

Harry,

Thank you. I wish I could tell you just how much this means to me. But I hope you have some idea. I think you do.

Sometimes I wish we'd been able to get to know each other better at Hogwarts.

Some days, I can't bear to look at anyone. Sometimes I want to hide away from everyone and everything. I know I should just get on with my life, but some things are just too difficult to forget.

How do you deal with all of this? Especially the things that you can't share with everyone else? Flying? Running? Brooding?

I watched you in fourth year. You spent a lot of time brooding that year. Especially before you and Weasley made up.

So how do you do it these days? Any hints for someone trying to deal with memories I never wanted to have?

  
This letter provided several more clues as to the identity of the writer and Harry found himself writing them down on a separate piece of paper to try and narrow it down. He was down to confirmed Death Eater children who'd been at Hogwarts when he was in his fourth year. There were quite a few, but not that many. Now who amongst them might have regrets?  
That question wasn't easily answered, but at least the letter was - at least more so than the previous ones.

Dear Writer,

I think I do, yes. I can't extend the sentiment about knowing each other since I don't know who you are, but given what you've said so far, I think it wouldn't have been a bad thing, at least. At least it might have made a difference for you, changed some choices, perhaps?

How do I deal? I'm not sure I do, to be honest. Brooding, as you call it, isn't dealing. I know that. Doesn't mean I don't do it, of course. Flying alone lets me think alone, so does running, but playing Quidditch takes the mind off things. So does any kind of demanding activity. I think this helps my Auror studies quite a bit.

There was a war. We all have memories we never wanted. Every single one of us. Nothing can change that. And we all need to find out how to live with that we saw and did.

\- Harry

* * *

  
Dear Harry,

How to live with it? Is it even possible? Some days I wonder. Some days I just wish I had the courage to stop it all. That it would be easier if I never had to think about what I've done again. I wonder how my father can even still hold up his head at times.

So, you're actually going through with it? Despite what the Ministry has done to you? Every chance they've gotten, they've turned against you. Wouldn't you be happier not being beholden to them?

I'm sorry. It's none of my business. But then, I'm sure you can understand that I'm not much of a Ministry fan these days.

  
Dear Writer,

It is possible, I have to believe that. I don't know what your life has been like, but you mention parents. You are lucky. There are people who love you unconditionally, despite the hard times you're all having. Is your father having regrets, too?

Yes. It's the only worthwhile thing I can think of to do with my life. And if I just sit here, if we all just sit and moan, nothing will ever change and a lot has to.

I guess I do. I never was, as you probably know - you seem well informed. But now is the time to change things. Clean up. And I don't just mean the trials, though I recognise that some form of judicial aftermath is inevitable - though I do think Azkaban is the wrong answer - I mean the whole thing. We need to change our world now so it really never will happen again.

\- Harry

* * *

Dear Harry,

Father doesn't like to speak of such things. And mother goes about doing her best to pretend it all didn't happen. In many ways, that only makes it worse. Neither of them is inclined to listen when I want to talk of such things.

You speak of change. But your side won. Surely that should be enough? What is it that you expect to change?

  
Dear Writer,

I guess I can understand that. But don't you think those reactions say something? Think about it... And no matter what, you are still loved.

Of course it's not enough. What good is it if everything goes right back to where it were? Where orphans are left to a system that lets them grow into Dark Lords and where people are punished randomly and cruelly. No. It's very much not enough.

\- Harry

* * *

Dear Harry,

That they would rather avoid the truth than deal with it. Which frustrates me to no end, their love notwithstanding.

You were never a Dark Lord, Harry. What are you talking about?

As for the rest--I suppose I see your point. I'm not sure why you need to be the one to do it, but at least someone is trying.

  
Dear Writer,

And that might tell you something about how they feel, too.

I'm talking about Voldemort. And what if something in me had turned me that way, too?

Because I don't trust most people to do it.

\- Harry

* * *

Dear Harry,

What? Ashamed? You say that like I don't know it. I assure you, I do. Doesn't make it any less frustrating.

The Dark Lord was an Orphan? I assure you, Harry, you were never anything like him. I know. I met him too many times not to know.

I thought you were friends with Minister Shacklebolt?

  
Dear Writer,

Then you have your answer to some of it, at least. I know it doesn't make it any less frustrating, but at least you do know how they feel.

Yes. He was.

Friendly would be more accurate. I trust him, too, but even a Minister is only one man and there's a huge bureaucratic system that's completely fucked up. There needs to be several people trying actively to better it.

\- Harry

  


* * *

Dear Harry,

Yes, I suppose I do.

But why you? You've already done so much. Some would say too much. That we have no right to expect more from you. And yet I know that you were personally involved in the Death Eater trials, and provided evidence in many of the cases.

  
Dear Writer,

Because I want to. And it's all I know how to do. Yes, I was involved and I hope I provided at least some reason in some of the cases. People are not just evil or good. None of us. But for instance all the children. Look at all the orphans this war made. I don't know how to help them, so I have to hope someone else does.

\- Harry

After sending that letter, Harry decided he really needed a break from this. Over the last days he'd been distinctly affected by this written conversation as it got more passionate and personal. Why was he even doing this? Perhaps he needed to know why someone would be on the other side, but he hadn't really found out, had he? Perhaps it was time to get more proactive. Apart from planting hints.

The next day, an article appeared in the Prophet.

"The Malfoys to buy condemned building in Hogsmeade." The article went on to state that the Shrieking Shack, while a popular place for wizarding tourists before the war, had since become devoid of any visitors, due to its role in the war. The article also stated the the Malfoys had stepped forward to buy it in hopes of "rehabilitating the image of the place."

Despite having decided he needed a break from writing, it was annoying when no answer appeared. Harry purposely ignored his own annoyance, and especially the cause of it.

Of course, that only meant that when another outlet was provided, it blew up in his face. Or rather, the Prophet blew up on his desk. When he incinerated it.

What the hell did Malfoy - which one didn't matter - want with the Shack? It was where Snape had died and they'd better not try some tacky scheme with it or Harry would make sure they regretted it!

* * *

The next letter arrived a few days later.

Dear Harry,

I apologize for not writing sooner. I have been a bit distracted.

I am glad you understand that the world is not just black or white, but shades of grey. I suppose we could do with more people in the Ministry who understand that.

Dare I ask how you came to that conclusion? In school you seemed less inclined to understand it.

Distracted? Well fuck you, too. Harry had been distracted like hell, partly by the lack of a letter! And the tone was suddenly arrogant, too. Harry waited a full two days before he replied.

  
Dear Writer,

So have I.

We could. The question is, however, how much we can forgive and what constitutes starting over? Was being a Death Eater simply poor judgement or were there other, more compelling reasons that show someone to be a person who wants to contribute to society?

That information is between a few dead men and myself.

\- Harry

* * *

Harry,

I apologize if I have done something to offend. No offense was intended, I assure you.

But if you are questioning whether I am truly reformed or not...

Perhaps I should never have written to you.

  
Dear Writer,

No, that was not my question. I am in all honesty wondering and you're the only person who seems to have some thoughts. Our world is busy decrying all Death Eaters as evil to the core and distancing itself, yet I wonder...

Someone saved my life for the love of her son. That isn't evil. Were there similar reasons to be a Death Eater in the first place for some people? If so, what were they? Why? I'm not saying you know the answers, I just wonder. And I'm letting you know about it because this is what we're discussing

\- Harry

* * *

Dear Harry,

I apologize, then, for taking your statements the wrong way. I promised myself that I would do what I could to keep from over-reacting, but apparently I wasn't quite able to live up to that.

I do think Every Death Eater had his own reasons. Some more than others. Some purely for personal gain, while others reasons were far more complicated. Position, family...fear. Perhaps in some cases, an ill-conceived need for revenge on those they felt had wronged them.

  
Dear Writer,

Thank you for the input on that. I would ask you about yourself, but I'm guessing you're close to my age and probably didn't have much choice. You might not even know your parents' motivation as you said you don't speak about all of this at home.

Don't you think it's about time you told me who you are?

\- Harry

* * *

Harry,

Perhaps. But I doubt you would be inclined to speak with me again if you did know.

As for my father...his main motivation, or at least the one I gathered when I was younger and the idea still a glorious one, was power. Always full of ambition, my father.

It was Malfoy. It had to be. At least Harry decided to work from that assumption until further evidence presented itself. There were a few more it could be, but not many.

  
Writer,

Oh, you might be surprised. I am very sure you are one of a small handfull of people. Granted, I might be wrong, but I haven't stopped writing yet, have I?

I always assumed that was why for many. Perhaps because of your father, even. Perhaps even because of you, depending on which of the above. But did he also believe that the Wizarding World would be stronger for non-involvement with the Muggles? And if so, did he think so for the sake of our world or for the sake of how he would gain from it? Because if someone wants to make the world a better place, but later realises they went about it the wrong way, they might want to try doing it in a different way next time. And that would be useful.

\- Harry

* * *

Before the next letter arrived, a second article about the Shack appeared in the Prophet. "Shrieking Shack to be replaced by memorial garden." The article went on to state that the Malfoys were still debating how best to use the land, but that they hoped to use it in some way to allow those who had been hurt by the war time to grieve, and a place to recover.

The letter arrived a few days later.

Harry,

You say that you have some idea of who I could be. I suppose there aren't too many Death Eaters who would be free to write to you, after all. Nor ones whose parents are still alive. Forgive me if I cannot bring myself to reveal my name. I find it too hard at this point. At least, allow me the illusion of anonymity?

As for my father...his image was that of a new world. With us as the world's royalty. Recognized by the Muggle world as their god-given rulers. I admit, it was a powerful and enticing thought when I was young. But now I understand at least some of the folly behind it.

The appearance of the second article made Harry even more sure he was dealing with Malfoy in those bloody letters. The timing was a bit too conspicuous. But he didn't like the idea of tearing down the Shack at all. He was still pondering how to react to that when the letter arrived.

  
Writer,

No, there are not. And if that's what you truly want, then yes, I'll respect that wish.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but how only some of the folly? And in that case, which parts?

\- Harry

* * *

Harry,

Thank you.

Some, as in, I am aware now of several reasons why it is a bad idea, but recognize that I know little about the Muggle world, and so am likely ignorant of others.

You grew up in the Muggle world. Surely you could tell me many more reasons why it would be a bad idea than I could come up with myself. Despite our power, they outnumber us at least ten to one. Possibly more. And their Muggle magics are more dangerous than we give them credit for. Not to mention the fact that we can't seem even to govern ourselves. We certainly have no right to impose our flawed ideas on them.

  
Writer,

You are welcome. I spent years wishing I could hide who I am. In some ways I still wish I could sometimes. It's bloody annoying to never have privacy.

Aha. Yes, I can understand that and your reasoning is sound. Have you thought about learning more about Muggles?

There are more, yes, but I like your reasons. They're important.

\- Harry

* * *

Harry,

Why? You are so loved. Everywhere you go, people want to be near you, to talk to you, to thank you... You would never have to work again, if you didn't wish to. It seems idyllic to me.

No. I spent too long avoiding them. It's like second nature now. I don't think I could handle it well.

I'm glad you think so. Whether or not you believe it, your opinion means a great deal to me.

  
Writer,

Just look at what you wrote and think about it again. (Okay, skip the never work part if that's attractive to you, but consider the "everywhere you go" part. And really consider it.)

I'm not suggesting you just go out there. Try reading first. Later you could go with a friend...

At this point, I can honestly say I'm glad it does. And your words make me think. Thank you.

\- Harry

* * *

Harry,

I don't see what's wrong with being loved and pampered.

None of my friends would want to go with me.  
What books do you think I should read?

Thank you. For talking to me. It means a lot.

  
Another Prophet arrived at the same time as the letter this time. And the article read: "Malfoys to build Wizarding Orphanage on the foundation of the Shrieking Shack." The article talked about how the Malfoys had already made plans, and that there would be a groundbreaking ceremony when building got underway--with "appropriate fanfare, and invitations to important personages."

Harry had just seen the headline in the Prophet when the letter arrived. If he'd ever been in doubt, he no longer were. He was about to sit down and compose an answer when it hit him how silly that would be. There was a time for anonymity, yes, and there was a time for meeting. He smiled as he scribbled a few lines, then pulled on his cloak and Apparated to the gates of Malfoy Manor.

A House-elf showed up and, instead of greeting him, made a surprised "Meep!" sound when it saw him. Harry smiled at it. 'Would you give this to Draco Malfoy, please?' he asked and handed the creature the note. 'Tell him someone is waiting, but don't tell him who till he's read the note.' The elf nodded and disappeared with a snap.

Draco was up in his study, trying to write out an invitation to ask Harry to be the one to break ground. He couldn't believe he was doing this, despite his protestations that he wanted to remain anonymous. The truth was, all he truly wanted was Harry's regard. The letters they'd written had proved that to him.

When the elf appeared, he raised an eyebrow. The letter the elf handed him put him immediately on guard. Even without seeing the words, he recognized the parchment. Why had he done this? Despite Draco's on insistence on not admitting who he was. The words in the note, "It's time we met," made his heart clench.

And yet, hadn't he been about to reveal himself anyway? There would have been no way Harry could have mistaken his handwriting. Not after so many letters. Draco sighed, then stood. Time to face the truth. "Where is he?"

The elf led Draco down to the drawing room where it had left Harry, and Draco dismissed it, then stepped into the room. It was hard not to snap at him, now that he was here in the flesh, so instead, Draco bit his tongue and waited, wary.

Malfoy looked nervous when he entered, apprehensive even, and for a second Harry wondered if he'd made the right choice, if Malfoy was ready for this. It struck him that he hadn't thought about what to do when he was there. He'd half expected them to just pick up their conversation where the letters left off, but it wasn't that easy. Malfoy felt vulnerable, Harry realised. He smiled at Malfoy, hoping to break the ice, and walked towards him with more confidence than he felt and held out his hand.

'Draco Malfoy? I'm Harry Potter. Nice to meet you.'

It was almost as though the time between their second meeting and that moment had never happened. The knot in Draco's chest loosened, and he managed a smile, reaching out to clasp Harry's hand.

"Good to meet you, Harry. Tell me. What do you know about Orphanages?"


End file.
